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There are times when you feel annoyed or vexed by a behavior or conduct of your loved one and this annoyance gives rise to a strong feeling of hostility which is known as anger. Anger is considered a natural emotion that has evolved as a way of protecting yourself from what you consider a wrong-doing. Anger can be brought about by frustration, criticism, threat or contradictions. But uncontrolled anger can be destructive in relationships. Dealing with anger in relationships is extremely essential unless you want to transform people into enemies through anger and hatred.
Ways to Control Anger and Reduce Conflict in a Relationship
Anger and conflict are inevitable in a close relationship because when we live in close contact with someone our interests, priorities and personalities clash frequently and we might get short tempered. But frequent conflicts can affect a relationship and even destroy it. Here are a few simple and easy tips on how to control anger in a relationship.
Acknowledge Your Feeling:
Trying to hide your emotions when you are extremely angry does not benefit you or your partner. On the contrary it takes a toll on your health and blood pressure. Many people think it is not proper to acknowledge anger, but in reality admitting that you are upset as calmly as possible to your partner helps to validate your feelings and makes it easier to resolve the issue.
Disagreements are best resolved when both parties are in a normal non-aroused state. Don't try to resolve a problem when you and your partner are at the pick of anger. Take time-out t calm your body and mind. Some of the effective calming techniques include deep breathing, relaxation and visualization. Strong emotions of anger and grief makes it difficult for the mind to access the rational faculties. Respect each other's need for alone-time. Taking some time to think over the conflict does not mean escaping from the issue, it means preparing yourself to deal with it in a more mature way.
Write it Down:
Pouring out your feelings of anger and frustration on pen and paper increases your clarity of thought and helps you to analyze the matter. It also pacifies your feelings. In the process of jotting down your feelings you might also find a way to sort out the reason for your anger and the steps that you need to take in order to resolve the situation. Putting your feelings in to words helps to make them more tangible and manageable.
Vent it Out:
Keeping your anger and frustration to yourself will only burn you up and affect your relationship in a negative way. Calming the impulses of anger can help you to get your feeling under control. Instead of having a face off with your partner, take several long and deep breaths, relax your muscles by clenching and unclenching your fists and doing neck rolls. You can also use your anger for positive activities such as running, kickboxing, cycling, jumping ropes, etc. that can release tension.
Don't Drag the Past:
Don't cling to the painful memories of past events no matter how distressing the past has been for you. Bringing up past memories will only make things difficult in the present. Take your time to grieve over an issue and clear it out one and for all with your partner. But try not to bring it up ever again or make it a part of the current disagreement. In most cases, long-held resentments tend to ruin relationships.
Focus on Being Happy Rather Than Being Right:
The purpose of approaching and analyzing a conflict should always bring positive results for both of you. Don't set up your mind on winning the conflict through argument. It will only leave you feeling worse. Try to work out better conditions for yourself and your partner where both of you can be happy rather than one being right and the other being proved wrong.
Bring Out the Positive:
While putting across a point to your partner, try to refer to something positive along with the negative. This helps to bring out good results. Draw out both the positive and negative aspects about the issue and it will definitely make your partner less tense and combative.
Sometimes, things may appear to be resolved on the outside, but rage and resentment still lingers deep inside the mind which gives rise to irritability, insomnia and depression. Be watchful about your thoughts and feelings and if you notice any of these situations then take it as a warning sign for future conflicts. It can also mean that your anger is due to something deeper in which case it is best to take professional help from a psychiatrist.
Importance of Anger Management in Relationships
Anger management in relationships helps to identify the object of conflict and shows you ways to meet and solve these conflicts so that it does not damage your relationship.
Out-of-control Anger Can Affect Your Physical Health:
Constantly working at high levels of stress, tension and emotional turmoil is bad for your physical health. Chronic anger makes you and your partner more susceptible to heart diseases, diabetes, hypertension, weakened immune system, high cholesterol levels and insomnia.
Unmanaged Anger can Hurt Your Mental HealthChronic anger sucks up mental energy and clouds your thinking making it harder to concentrate on the bigger picture and enjoy life. It also leads to tension, stress, depression and other mental health problems.
Uncontrolled Anger Damages Your Career:
Constructive criticisms, creative differences, heated debates and differences in opinion are all part of your career and you should accept it in a healthy way. Lashing out on your colleagues, supervisors or clients will alienate them and erode their respect towards you. You will develop a negative reputation that will follow you making it harder for you to move ahead.
Chronic Anger Destroys Relationships:
Anger and conflict causes lasting scars in the hearts of your loved ones and it can destroy your friendships and work relations. Chronic intense anger makes it difficult for people to feel comfortable with you, trust you or speak up their minds in front of you. They never known what is going to offend you or set you off. Explosive anger is especially damaging to children.
If you have a hard time compromising with your anger or have troubles in expressing your emotions of anger in a composed way or if you know a person - your loved one or friend who is having problems in dealing with his anger then try to get professional help as soon as possible. If you are looking for an experienced psychiatrist in and around Delhi then Sehat.com is a platform to get in touch with numerous renowned physiatrists and psychologists who can help you with the right therapy and treatment.